One week 'fore the crash,
Oh why must these things coincide?
I met a nice girl just my size
and just when things started to rise
I heard then no other,
at the door than my mother,
Oh why must these things synchronize?
It's true I was caught unawares
by the skateboard atop of the stairs
I fell like a freak,
as my roof sprung a leek,
Oh why must these things come in pairs?
In my mind it's still hotly debated
why these incidents have not abated
the clock fell on my cranium,
as it chimed new millennium,
Could it be that these things are related?
As the hangman positioned his noose
the snap on my trousers came loose
The whole crowd saw my shaft,
as my neck snapped in half,
Oh why must these things come in twos?
I was buried in inclement weather
and lightning struck twice in the heather
as they lowered me down,
a great quake shook the ground.
Why does this stuff happen together?
On my forehead I noticed a cyst
Then the shrapnel demolished my wrist
As I laid there in fear,
vultures chewed up my ears,
Oh why must these things coexist?
Heaven-bound and filled with felicity
I was snagged by the nagging duplicity
the wrong way I raced,
as my file was misplaced,
O now I face Hell's synchronicity!
As soon as my house was erected
A billion termites were detected
While they chew up the porch,
my wife talks of divorce,
Don't tell me this shit ain't connected
My dog died, my pick-up broke down
on the same day my wife left the town
on a permanent excursion,
(this is a redneck version,)
what comes around does go around
As my new boat sank into the cove
I thought of my wife by the stove
Straining for her last breath,
Sucking gas to her death,
Oh why do these things come in droves?
So I faked my own death on the boat
and collected the insurance note
my wife was in trouble,
now the jeopardy's double,
O how will I rhyme what i wrote?
The punch bowl was spiked with some toe jam
I vomited during the slow jam
I pissed in my pants,
amid the last dance,
Don't tell me this stuff's not preprogrammed
As soon as my headache abated
A new aspirin type was created
I'd find it ironic,
If they'd make a tonic,
Which made this stuff seem less pre-fated
I've found a new chair i can rest in
since the pain left my lower intestine
are these things simply tests,
or small cosmic jests?
don't tell me it's not all predestined
Some try to blame it on me still
as if it were some kind of thrill
to face all this stuff,
but it's really rough,
don't tell me about that "free will"
As the goddess turned in my direction
Her gaze nullified my erection
Now I try and eat shrimp,
but my wrist just goes limp,
I'm starting to sense a connection
These rhymes are truly a scream
Me thinks that me senses a theme
To end in a question,
That's fraught with suggestion
Oh why must these things come in reams?
The roulette wheel goes 'round and 'round
Bringing half betters smiles and half frowns
There is still one sure bet,
if you haven't guessed yet,
These things will proceed to compound
It really does weigh on my mind
That these things by instinct are combined
I do hate to bitch,
but oh how I wish,
That these things would come one at a time